Chronicles of Fantasy

From a dream of you, brought back so much memories.

You were one of my best friend that got buried sooo deep into my heart.

I may have not mention nor think about you everyday.

But throw me a rock with your name, I’ll be swept away with memories of you.

(Please don’t really throw one at me in real life, in dreams ok la, haha!)

Yes I got hit by something really huge with your face in my dreams.

For so long, I’ve never had such sweet dreams.

A dream of you

We were so close, I had to admit I really liked you alot at that time.

So muchy muchy desu!

You are like a big sis to me although you are younger than me by months.

In my dreams, you were lecturing me.

On how come we lost touch with each other

I deserve it, honestly, I truly do.

But how am I going to start to seach for you?

Last time we’ve met was like 6years ago

Gosh I remember every part of your face.

I could even fix up a puzzle of your face.

Dam I wish I can find you and keep in touch with you forever.

Has anyone seen my Nadirah? Kejam punya Wen Lin misses her so much >.

What is your heart like? Mine is like below…

It needs someone

Someone to talk to when it is lost

Someone to understand it when it is confused

Someone to cheer it when it is sad

Someone to enjoy with when it is happy

Someone to embrace it when it is lonely

Someone to give warmth when it is cold

Someone to mend it when it is broken

Someone to fill it

With love

Lots and lots of love

Someone who knows what the heart is thinking just by feeling it

When you have someone’s heart

You need to take a good care of it

Don’t break it

They are really fragile

Mine is

How does you heart look like?

Coldplay - Fix You

This song was never sad to me, never was. To me, it seems like a song about someone else, how sad that person was and everything, then someone will be there by your side will to try and fix you.

Today, it was the sad song to me. Every line he sang, every lyric and meaning… it kept hitting my heart.

Who would have thought of this is going to happen between us. As for me, I never had thought of it. I have even planned that we’ll casually chat everytime. Even after when each of us had our own life, we will still keep in touch so frequently. Few times a year during the holidays, we can fly over to somewhere and make a reunion. Then as years passed, we can talk about what we did when we are young, how foolish we were and how we miss those days.

We are just so close. So close that I would never imagine what can go wrong. As for now, we WERE once so close. Understanding each other so much. Knowing what each other is thinking without expressing it out. Knowing when you are happy or sad. Always doing things that make each other happy.

What happened to all these? Why can a person change so much in a short time? A person whom we knew for years. Lived so close for years.

And she just let us go…. just… like… that…..

No one knows what she is thinking right now. No one knows what is she doing right now. No one knows what she wants right now. No one knows what could make her happy right now. No one knows anything.

You broke 2 hearts. 2 persons heart whom cared so much about you. 2 persons heart whom went empty after you changed.

1 heart healed, but left a scar. That heart is ready to move one

another heart is complety lost, still unclear, still not knowing anything, still don’t want to let go, still crying alone. No one knows… no one cared. What if someone cared? Its useless, the one who broke the heart doesn’t care at all.

I’d just thought I should share things…

By any chance, do you have Fuck the Cow or Fuck the Goat? Fuck the Goat’s ass would be cool =)

Sometimes I wonder, if you were to die (well, you’ll die one day anyway) what will happen?

Will you just die thats it, the end… end of your story, no one will remember you, no one will try to bring you back to life. It’s like a big “THE END” word smack directly on your face.

Or like the chinese, you drink some tea, cross a bridge and reborn into someone else…

Or you’ll be judged… either you enter heaven or hell

Or you’ll be sent straight to hell to receive your punishment and after all your punishment, which I heard it last for hundreds or thousands of years, since 1 day here equals duno how many hundreds years in hell, you’ll be sent down back to earth and reborn…

Some said you must have done something nice, that’s why you have such great life now, or something bad, so you have a bad life now

Some said you are borned into the word as a punishment, to choose to continue doing stupid things, or make things up in this new life, so you can stop the cycle and enter heaven as soon as you have done enough…

Or my favourite, with my imagination, you’ll just die, awake in the sky, on the white clouds. You stood up, there is a wooden bench with a lamp post next to it, and there is a man sitting there, smiling at you. You don’t know why, but you approached him, sitting next to him. He started with, “How are you?” and you go “I don’t know… am I dead? who are you? god?” and hes like smiling with the smile of thousand loves saying, “Yes, you are dead, and I’m god” and he smiled again. You didn’t cry, you didn’t try to remember what happen. You didn’t worry about what you have left behind, mum, dad, siblings, best friends, lovers, pets, favourite stuff like clothes, books, pc n etc. You have nothing to worry about. As if you have learnt to let go, leave everything behind, feel the peace that you are in right now… all these with just his smile. You felt the comfort you have never felt before, love which is unexplainable, relaxed like a baby.

Then you started chatting with him. You asked him a lot of stuff, well, personally, I have a lot of things I want to ask got. Such as is it true Adam and Eve are the first humans on earth? Does dinosaurs looked the same way as our scientist predicted? Is there other humans or creatures outside of our solar sistem? Did any of them actually made their way to earth? Was Alexander the great gay? Well, a lot more, I just can’t think of any more right now.

The he asked about hows life down there… you told him everything, friends, school, work, life, every little things, your deepest secrets, embarrasing moments, personal stuff… since he is god, he knows everything, even if you tried to lied, but you just didn’t, it seems like you can’t lie anything like a children. you just blurt out everything without thinking the consequences (well, not that god will tell out to anyone…. would he?) and you don’t mind, just blushing a little when talking about it. And there he is, like a best friend… listening and understanding. As if you both have known each other for life, talked everyday casually. After talking, he just smiled at you. Even if its just a smile, it seems that you understand what hes trying to say. (Well, im imagining that gods telling you its time, not directly, but you just seem to understand as if you’ve done it before even if its your first time) You just close your eyes, you get a flashback of everything that you have tried your hardest to remember, moments which is so wonderful but you have forgotten… Your mum and dad, what they have done for you when you are a baby. Then tears wills start to flow off your eyes. Your brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, your best friends, loved onces, all the sweet memories is being play back in your mind… and at the end, instead of going crazy shouting, “I DON’T WANT TO DIE! PLEASEEE” or “I WANT MY MOMMY OR DADDY”, you just say…

“Thank you and goodbye”

with the most peaceful final smile of yours. Then you dissapear… forever… (try imagining a body floating in the sky, and you can choose either
a)fade out and disappear
b)flash and spread into diamond-like shape and spread n slowly disappear
c)well, dont disappear but remain intact, dont fade off either, instead, you felt like you flew to somewhere, you opened your eyes and went eh? with that stupid blur face of yours, you asked the man and lady infront of you, what’s going on? They smiled back, you recognized those faces, it is you parents which came here earlier than you for # years. You leaped and hug them… and yada yada and you get happy ending where everyone unite again forever this time…

wtf… I think I’ve watched too much movies and think too much, more sleep is better than more thinking

Well, yeah right, I wish that would be my ideal after life. If C is impossible, a nice peaceful final chat to let go everything seems cool too.

But, to tell the truth, I’m really scared that if we die, we’ll just die, the end, game over… no more part two or so… no more reborn. Right now, I have a lot of things yet to be done… lots of things yet to see, yet to enjoy, yet to catch up with. Family and friends, not enough sweet memories with them, not enough time spent with them. My hobbies, lots of things I haven’t tried or archieved. Worries for other people, like did dad took his medicine like a good boy, mum stayed happy and doesn’t stress too much without me around, did bro graduated and got a good job, does sis get a good husband? Did my youngest bro studied well and changed into a better person? Did they all feed and take care of the dogs and DON’T BULLY THEM AT ALL? Did my face look good at the coffin? Will I feel hot if they decide to burn me to ashes? Or will bugs crawl on me when I’m buried after some time. And the list goes on. Who will take over my pc after my death??? I have thousands of pictures of all my friends. Pictures taken when we go crazy together, holiday together, celebrate something together, or just plain bored together that we took picture. I won’t do this but I know some people who does this, what if you have some naked pictures you have taken with ur partners or ex- bf/gfs or with somebody that you do not wish anyone in the world saw it. Oh shit, I think we’ll probaly go bargain with god… “oh god, can you just give me like 10seconds and send me straight to my pc? I need to delete some stuff before I go, I don’t want them to see those, oh wait, maybe 20seconds cuz I don’t know where i hid those files. Nvm, can you just strike a thunder straight to my pc and burn the whole hard disk?, no wait, that won’t work, my kids have their pictures of their trip last weekend stored inside there. *stress* x999 THAT MEANS IT IS VERY HARD TO LET GO

Will I be able to let go…?

Will you?

Hong Kong = Terrible

I don’t mean to lable the whole Hong Kong as a terrible place to be, but seriously, I almost lost my life there because of some rudest and heartless people there… I was there begging and crying yet no one cares. I feel like giving up my life after 4 hours of torture.

But thank god I was saved by the nicest people in Hong Kong… I’m going to prepare a nice email to dedicate my appreciation. They are my life savior.

Thank you

P/S: If you give me a free all expanse paid trip back there, <10% chance I’ll take it

Got this from Yowazzup

1) Sleep 6-7 hours per day, not more, not less
2) Be optimistic
3) Have more sex
4) Have a massage
5) Exercise
6) Meditate
7) Do sit-ups Take yoga
9) Floss your teeth
10) Visit the dentist regularly
11) Watch your weight
12) Quit smoking
13) Manage stress
14) Look after your breasts
15) Check your blood pressure
16) Have regular smear tests
17) Have a glaucoma test
18) Chill out
19) Be rich
20) Get a dog
21) Laugh a little
22) Live in the country
23) Have lots of children
24) Learn to play piano
25) Play sudoku
26) Play crossword puzzles
27) Learn a new language
28) Keep taking exams
28) Keep on working, even after retired
30) Be close to your mother
31) Don’t BBQ
32) Do gardening
33) Eat more chocolate
34) Eat pumpkins
35) Eat beans and blueberries
36) Eat gazpacho
37) Eat spicy foods
38) Eat salmon, sardines, mackerel or herring
39) Eat the Mediterranean way
40) Drink miso soup
41) Drink red wine moderately
42) Drink tea moderately
43) Drink coffee moderately
44) Drink more water
45) Play brain games
46) Move to Japan, France, Spain, Switzerland or Australia
47) Don’t take work home
48) Maintain your social life
49) Volunteer
50) Get married happily

Planned to go 1U with Sabrina to watch ‘Red Eyes’ at 3pm. Before going to 1U, I followed Sab to her house because she wanted to change to another car. (Reasons: The CD player in the car she is driving spoiled) After that, Sab needed to reverse the Mercedes in order to get the X5 out, and guess what? I’ve witness her hitting the Mercedes to the wall while reversing. Wanted to hit her car as a signal before she hit the wall, but the car was faster… (Sorry >.<) Car was ok, just a bit of scratches, still something needed to be done as there is a little wall mark there. Anyway, I get to drive that Mercedes!!! OMG!!! I ACTUALLY DROVE A MERCEDES!!! Although I just reverse and parked it inside, but still, what a great experience! hehe…

Then we head to 1U, watched ‘Red Eyes’ as planned. Nice show, not weird this time. A lot of awfully pain moments. I love the part she hit back the guy’s head with her own head! And another part is when the phone rings… nyahahahaha! Okla, the movie was great anyway, oh yeah! I love Rachel McAdams’s hair. She has a perfect hair curl. Might want to try that hair style someday. LOL! (Can’t believe I’ve just said that)

I think I won’t be able to have a long life, lets say til I get to see my grandkids?

I’ve been drinking coke more than water, eating fast foods such as french fries from McD non stop, sleeping at odd hours, facing the computer 95% more than what I face when I’m awake and no exercise at all. Lets say since form 5’s PJK… LOL!

Its so hard to sit straight, breathe normally, stay awake with fresh mind without yawning out of no where. I feel like I’m far worst than a drug addict atm… MY BACK HURTSSS!!! Maybe I should go give the one and only guy who has ever been ‘on-top’ of me a visit =)

Here is more detail about the guy who was on top of me
Our first meeting was weird. He was late, busy I guess. Waited for him for like, 15 minutes, then only he finally settle down and talk to me. After 15 minutes of conversation, he asks me to lie down on the bed, and I obeyed. He got on top of me, did a few moves that no one has ever done to me. It was my first time and I truly enjoy it. I have -0% knowledge on this, so I’m moving based on his instruction. And hell yeah, I even want more. But after 10 minutes of his moves, he stopped. I’m still into what I’ve been doing just now. I really do want more. Anyway he promise me we’ll meet on the coming Wednesday. His name was Eric…

P/S: Did I mention he was my Chiropractic Doctor?

HAHA! This is an old post I did wayyyyyyyyyy long back.

Decided to dig out another old post
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Memoirs of a geisha progress
I’ve finished reading the first 2 chapters for Memoirs of a Geisha. I’ve tried my best not to skip a single line at all, which I always did when I was reading other books. I’ve told myself, I if were to stumble upon a stranger page which I’ve read before, I’ll re-read the whole chapter. Hahaha…! The book explains everything in detail, example:

I have to go off now, I need to go college soon…

Like wtf… March 06? OMG! I HAVEN’T CONTINUE READING THAT BOOK EVER SINCE! HAHAHAHAHA! Where the hell is that book anyway… lol!!!

I’ve decided to try out something else! Few weeks ago Rachel sent me an sms, saying from her dairy, we were out at Mid Valley watching movie on this date but few years back. I’m still keeping my movie tickets after years of keeping them. xD So I know we watched what movie, what time, what seat too… Anyway, I’ve decided to korek my dairy too! I won’t be changing any grammar or anything from it, it would be the exact same thing from what I’ve wrote.

18 April 2003 - 11:45pm

Today was kinda crazy day for me. First Jessica and me plan to go petaling street and I invited Rachel to come along. We started our journey from SMKBTR. It was sure a HOT day! When we reached there, my skin is starting to go sweating and turning into reddish colour. That time I’ve really no mood to choose and song/cd. So we ended up at KFC. After finishing, it’s time for Jessica to go tuition. We went up to bus #56 and Rachel and me only go down at… menara bla bla… then walk and walk and walk all the way to sungai wang. We’ve walked too much ups and down until we are out of breath when we reached there… umm… then we walked and Rachel started to plan to go Lot10. My answer? Nothing will make me say ‘no’. But at Lot10 *kinda* boring because not really much things there. We went down, down, down and entered the supermarket. 0.o and then we bought SUSHI! (but tasteless) so ugly taste. And now, we’ve planned to go KLCC! but this is not by cab, but by foot! Tired but worth it. Just go to ‘Kinokuniya’ (big book store) After that, it is time to go home. From KLCC to Putra Station, then we went down at Masjid Jamek. From there, we switched trains, from Putra to Star. All I know is I go up the train blindly. I’m totally not sure where am I heading but thank god! Rachel is beside me to guide me. With her, everything went fine. But when we reached maluri station, we went down and go to the bus stop. We are so jobless until putting our faith on a coin. We flip the coin deciding that we stay out here at the bus stop until the bus come or go in jusco for a while, the coin ask us to stay! But we ended up inside! We have our drink there. And then went out again. Another try of waiting for the bus. With having lazy legs, ended up going home with a cab. But… there goes my day, went home plan to take bath and then SLEEP! But the ‘magical buttion’ made me touched it!!! Then I saw someone there!! Haha! *BAng! Shoots ownself to get awake* Ok, I’m back to normal but someone was joking around saying he have SARS, then…. *((CENSORED ALL THIS PART!!! I’M BLUSHING FOR EVEN READING ALL THE CRAPS WE CHATTED! ))* Anyway, today is the day that I’ll remember forever, hope another day will be as interesting, as loveable, as cute, as wired as possible! I want to end it now. Too sleepy! Good night!!!”

The someone is the name I wish to not to tell out Rachel knows that I used to spell weird as wired without me realising it was wrong -_- see rach? you are like a ketua to me… keTUA to me… forever will xD btw rach, who is Amin? It says in my dairy “Rachel’s mum and Amin’s parents were having karaoke there. Rachel’s mum got kinda over happy. Dancing around, laughing around and many more” lol! The sushi at Lot 10 isetan supermarket still sucks!

Someone still owe me a treat, according to my dairy… oh wait, does that Ice Lemon drink counts?